my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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