$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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