I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
