Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
