i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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