I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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