Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
