So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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