i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
