I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
