Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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