he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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