i can't believe i had my finger in that
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
