dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I think people are normalizing furries
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
