I hate your face
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
