how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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