Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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