i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
