the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
