It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I could fuck to npr.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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