Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize