My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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