the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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