Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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