I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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