then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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