Porn is love you can see.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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