where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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