If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
