Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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