I wannas sexs uuuuu
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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