I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
