When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
