dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize