Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
