i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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