I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
