p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
