dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
