youre lurking in front of me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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