I feel like I'm in dance class right now
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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