I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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