what day is it and did you see me today?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
