what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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