what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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