i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
they're like a gay fantastic four
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
