she smelled like a LAN party
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
