On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
