Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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