Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
