As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She bit a glass in half.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
