You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sext me about skeletons
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
