I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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