take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
