Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
