What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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