Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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