You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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