JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I am spending my child support on dildos
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize