if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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