all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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