2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think weed is turning my hair brown
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Randomize
