he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
