I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
