Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I think I just sharted jello shots
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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