This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
