You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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