fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
